Pot Luck a grab bag of written words

THE WHITE HOUSE
WASHINGTON
October 18, 2004

Dear American college students,
Being the president, I was quote, unquote “elected” to be your leader. I know you’re trying to decide who to vote for, and I know we use a lot of big words in the debates. Multi-syllobic, multi-syllabic, words with more than one syllable. So I thought I’d break down the issues for ya. Because my dad got me into Yale, so I’m smarter than you. I’m sorry, “more smarter than you.”

First off, I’d like to address concerns that many of you college students, as I understand, fear there is going to be a draft. This is not true. But even if it is, remember the world is better off with Saddam gone, as long as you ignore the fact that the country is now completely out of control, and has become a hotbed for terrorists.

As long as “better off” includes if things are “worse off,” then the world is better off.

My opposer says that Iraq was a distraction from the War on Terror. But now that I have caused it to become a breeding ground, and recruitment tool for Al Queda, it would now be stupid to say that it has nothing to do with the War on Terror. Would it not? You see, there was no connection, so I created one.
But hear me clearly… “NO DRAFT.” Which is what I used to say to bartenders when I was tryin’ a quit drinkin’.

But by joining the armed services, you have a chance to join us, in this war, against an improper noun. Just FYI, our next war will be a War on Horror. Followed by a War on Horror films

Kay. Next issue. Stem Cell Research. Not for it. Every day there are thousands of embryos that are sitting frozen, even getting thrown away, at hospitals and fertility clinics. Inside these embryos lie the keys to curing some of the world’s worst diseases. I’m not for it. I say, why destroy an organism that will never actually exist, just to save the lives of millions of people, and millions more for generations to come. I’d rather these embryos rot away in trash cans, where they can be given a proper burial. Next to a used cyringe, and a copy of Us Weekly.

Next issue. My opposer thinks we outta pass some sorta (with great disdain)
“global test” before taking actions that will affect the entire world. Sure he also says he will never hesitate to defend our country if it is necessary. But he ALSO thinks we should be friends with the rest of the world. He thinks we should care what the, other, 190 countries on our planet, think. It’s just a basic…
(like he’s explaining the concept) difference-of-opinion. He thinks we should make “allies.” I think we should disregard the world community, bomb as we please, and create not only individuals, but whole nations that hate us. It’s like, what’s a better show, Cheers or Seinfeld? It’s just a difference of opinion. John Kerry, on the other hand, is a flip-floppin’ pussy, who actually “thinks” about issues, and decides his opinions accordingly. Which sometimes causes an opinion to change…in a very flip-floppy, pussy-like way. I am short-sighted, stubborn, and very relatable for some reason to about fifty percent of this country. Of course, my fifty percent comes mostly from the blindly religious, and fans of Jeff Foxworthy. But fifty percent nonetheless. Which, coincidentally, is all you need to win… if your brother is governor of the retarded state that doesn’t know how to vote. Which, by the way, I’m countin’ on ya’ again, you senile, crazy old farts. The ballot’s confusing, I understand. I voted for Gore myself. I mean you gotta look at a name, and then punch out a hole or somethin’, I don’t know, I’m not a voting officiallary.

Alright, last issue. Fags getting married. I don’t like it. During the last debate, Bob Sheefer asked me if bein’ a huge fag is a choice. Obviously it’s a choice. Because when two hot girls at a bar start makin’ out with each other, they are obviously doin’ it just to turn me on.
And when two men fall in love, and choose to spend the rest of their lives together in a committed relationship… they are also doing it to turn me on.

Lastly, I’d like to remind you to vote on November 2nd. Unless your black. You people probably don’t want to vote anyway, when you could be out, practicing basketball.

But if you’re a non-black, non-poor or middle class person, who doesn’t realize I’m a total fucking dick, then remember to vote Dick/Bush on November 2nd.

May God Bless America. And fuck the rest of the world.

George W. Bush