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October
2, 2004 – 2:00
am
Dave Chappelle and Traci Bingham’s panties.
Every Tuesday night for
the last two and a half years I have hosted a hilarious
night of comedy at the Laugh Factory. It used to
be called “Gleib’s
College Comedy.” Until the management decided
they didn’t want to have a comic’s name
in the title, I guess so they could fire me and continue
the show. Well, I haven’t been fired, it’s
just called “College Night” now. And it’s
is almost always a great night, full of the best comics
in the world.
We have had Jay Mohr, Dave Attell, Louis C.K., Dane
Cook probably sixty times, Damon Wayans, Marlon Wayans,
Shawn Wayans, Wayans Wayans, Paul Rodriguez, Eddie
Griffin, Jon Lovitz, Tony Rock, Butch Bradley, and
tons of others. A lot of times these big stars just
randomly drop by, and I put them right on stage.
Well this night was a big one. We already had Michael
Richards (Seinfeld) and Louis C.K. scheduled, and the
crowd was hot, (I mean they were really into it, and
the girls were hot) and the room was packed. During
the other comics I usually wander around the club,
talking to different people. This night, up in the
balcony, looking real good and wearing the world’s
shortest skirt was Traci Bingham (Baywatch.) I am friends
with a friend of hers, so I went upstairs to say hi.
And Traci was drunk. She apparently had been drinking
champagne, and told me she really liked my material.
She asked if she could take my picture when I was on
stage, and I said yes, even though I’m sick and
tired of celebrities asking to take my picture. She
then grabbed her bottle of champagne, and poured some
in my mouth. It spilled everywhere, but it was pretty
hot.
A few minutes later I was upstairs talking to someone
else, and I got a tap on the shoulder. I turned around
and it was Dave Chappelle! As does everyone, I love
the guy, and think he is fucking hilarious. He asked
me if I could put him up, and I said, “No sorry,
maybe if you call ahead next time.” If it’s
not clear, I didn’t actually say that. I told
him of course, and shortly I brought him up on stage.
I made sure to do some weed material before he came
on just cause I thought he’d appreciate it. Then
I said, “This man has a show on Comedy Central,
I think it’s called…yes, it’s called
Chappelle’s Show, please welcome DAVE CHAPPELLE!!!
The crowd went insane, and gave him the biggest standing
O I have ever seen at the Factory. It lasted forever.
He had to end it by saying, “Alright, alright…It’s
too much fucking pressure!” And that started
a hilarious forty-five minute set, and the crowd couldn’t
get enough.
But don’t forget that Traci Bingham is in the balcony this whole time,
getting even drunker. Suddenly she starts talking to Chappelle. Just blurting
stuff out, telling him he’s hot. He was making it funny. Then she reached
under her skirt and took off her panties. And she threw them on the stage.
The crowd was shocked, but Dave made it hilarious. He said he’s been
doing comedy for 17 years, and that this was the first time anyone’s
thrown panties at him. The Emmy’s were just two nights earlier, and Chappelle
did not win. But holding her panties up in the air he says, “Fuck the
Emmy. This is why I do this!” And proceeded to give his Emmy acceptance
speech, thanking his fans and Comedy Central.
A half hour later Traci
left, and I walked outside to say goodbye. We bonded
over the fact that we are both on Carmen Electra’s E! True Hollywood Story,
and to illustrate how drunk she now was, she told me
I was hot. Clearly very drunk. I told her she was hot
too, and asked her if she’d be okay without her
panties. She then proceeded to lift her super short
skirt, to prove to me that they were really gone. I
swear to you not more than half an inch before I would
have had a perfect, up close view of Traci’s
Bingham, one of her handlers said, “Traci, don’t
do that” like they were scolding a child, and
just like that, the Bingham was gone. She also told
me that she would invite me to her mansion to eat steak
and lobster, cooked by her chef, that she was proud
to announce actually cooks for her. She took my number.
I’m still waiting for her to call. Even if it’s
not me. I just want her to make a phone call.
This entry is brought to you by the Primetime Emmy
Awards.
Less exciting than Traci Bingham’s panties. And
seen by less people.
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